To Be Me
by Upon Your Face
Summary: "Just because I'm in this body doesn't mean I'm any different! Stop Treating me like I'm a bloody GIRL!" Rated T For swearing. Eventual-very slow- Harry/Draco.
1. Waking Up

**Alright. This is my first HP fic, So I'd appreciate honest opinions.**

**I'm kind of tired of all of the HPDM fics out there that turn harry into a woman just so he can Shag Draco. It's irritating to me, especially with all of the wonderful Fem stories out there. So I thought I'd give you a story that's somewhat more realistic. I'm used to writing yaoi, so again, positive criticism, anything helpful; that's what I want. I hope you enjoy Chapter 1, guys!**

**Disclaimer: I obviously don't own Harry Potter, as I am unfamiliar with most British terms. SORRY :| **

**Harry** sat in his bedroom, staring up at his fan as it turned slowly, every other spin straining and letting a somewhat irritating creak resound through the bedroom. In her cage in the corner of the room, Hedwig hooted softly as she slept. Harry couldn't restrain a smile at the soft noises, comforting him. This is what he'd been doing every since the start of summer. Each night, he would lay down on his bed and just stare, thinking. Thinking about sirius, whose death had hit him hard, but Harry had long ago accepted it wasn't his fault. He thoguht about Dumbledore, too. The old man had been as sort of a grandfather his first three years, and a mentor until his death. Harry had been considerably upset after the MoM incident, mostly because alot of people had worked it out in their head that if Dumbledore had told Harry of the prophecy before, that tragedy might've been avoided. But again, it wasn't the old man's fault. After all... He was just looking out for him.

It was a week before his 17th birthday. A week before The Order would show up and whisk him away from the Dursleys. Granted, they hadn't been as violent this summer, but it was still unpleasant, waking up to the shreiks and whines of the animals that called themselves a normal family. For most of the summer, Harry had been outside. He'd started doing small work for people around the neighborhood, mostly heavy lifting and mowing. A little gardening here and there, along with cleaning and taking care of animals and children. All of the heavy work had paid off somewhat. His musculature had improven, not being overly massive, but a definition had appeared. He'd finally- FINALLY- hit some sort of growth spurt, now a respectable and much more preferable 5'9". It was still short for a guy, especially when compared to Ron, but Harry was just glad he could finally reach the top cupboard in the pantry.

At that moment, Harry was content with his life. Right then, he wasn't really thinking of his destiny, or the wizarding world. For that summer, he was just a normal teenage boy, if only one with questionable parents and somewhat strange abilities that he pretended 'Normal' guys had. As far as he was concerned, ask anybody in his neighborhood and they'd tell you they could fight off a hoard of dementors with one patronus, travel through time, and survive the impossible.

A large thunder crash echoed through his room, drawing a wince. The weather had been dreading, dark storm cloud coming and going throughout the day. Harry knew it would atleast rain sooner or later.

"Boy! Get down here!" Came Aunt Petunia's high voice. Without a word, but with a sigh, Harry slid out of his bed and through his open door, padding down the stairs and stopping in the hallway. The Dursleys were all three holed up on the couch, their attention to the Tele like a saint in church, the religious way they watched Television still disturbing Harry.

"Go get the tarp and ladder from the shed. The hole's still in the roof from Dudley hitting that amazing homerun and I don't want water on my carpet. GO!"

Harry nodded wordlessly, inwardly ramming his head against a wall. Surely they could've given him the task BEFORE the rain started. He grabbed a too-big jacket from the coat rack and slipped the hood onto his head, heading out the door.

The wind was stronger than usual, the trees around the house tilted almost onto their side in the force. Harry grimaced, running over to the shed. It took him a moment to find the ladder and tarp in the dark, but, after tripping over every possible shed-protected object, he managed to escape with nothing more than a bruised ego and a blush.

Perhaps he went about tarping the roof in a completely WRONG sort of way. Perhaps the way he climbed the ladder was just a bit too resentful, and stomping accross the roof was just a bit too much of a bad idea. Harry sighed and flipped the tarp out of it's fold, laying across the hole above his Aunt and Uncles room. Digging nails from his pocket, he set the first one on the far corner of the tarp, ready to hammer away.

OF course, the tarp had other plans. The wind picked up at that moment, and the drifty material rose up into the air. In his attempt to catch the runaway tarp, Harry himself got caught in the slapping wind, falling backwards. His arms flailed left and right in his attempt to stop the gravity, but...

Harry fell.

**After** nearly an hour of yelling for his Aunt, she had come out to see him laying in the flowerbed, leg bent at an unnatural and surely painful angle. They had reluctantly taken him to the hospital, Petunia nagging at him the entire way, saying he'd replant those marygolds no matter how much pain he was in. Harry had of course agreed, expecting nothing less. As if he could've started flying midair to protect his Aunt's precious flowers.

The doctor had put a cast on his leg, the left tibia being broken. After advising Harry to stay off of it for the next 6 weeks, he smiled and sent the normal american family on their way.

"Get out there boy! If those flowers aren't presentable by this afternoon, I'll have your head!"

"Yes, Aunt Petunia."

**4** Days later found Harry laying on his bed, reading a swiped home decor magazing he'd gotten from the bathroom when an owl knocked on his window. He looked up at the little brown bird, recognizing the tiny owl as pig.

Gingerly, he stood, keeping pressure off of his foot as he hopped over to the window to let in the small brown thing. Pig hooted and dropped the letter into Harry's hands before flying around the room, looking completely retarded.

_Dear Harry,_

_I hope you're well. I apologize for not writing you, pup, but it's been a rough couple months. The full moon was two days ago, and I'm still a little out of sorts._

_The Order told me there had been a Death Eater attack near Surrey yesterday. Are you alright? You aren't hurt, right? I would come get you myself, but again, The Order says that could give away your location... If Voldemort doesn't have it already._

_Please be careful. Stay inside. Don't talk to anyone who isn't from the Order._

_Stay Safe,_

_Remus_

Harry reread and reread the letter. Stumbling backward and falling onto the bed, he heard the paper rip slightly under his harsh grip. Death Eaters. Death Eaters outside of Surrey, right outside where Harry was 'Hiding'.They knew. They knew where Harry was and were coming for him. Harry's breath increased immediately, a hand coming up to clutch at his irratically beating heart. He wasn't ready to fight Voldemort, not after last year, not after the year before, even.

'Shut up, Harry... It's not like they can get past the blood wards.'

Yeah. There were always the blood wards. There must've been a reason went on and on about them. They'd protect him... right?

**The** night before he was officially 17, Harry lay on his uncomfortable bed with his leg propped up on a pillow. He was staring at the ceiling, as he had done every night prior, when a tapping came from his window.

Sighing, and expecting an owl, Harry stood and shuffled over. He sleepily reached out to open the drapes, when a cool hand shot out and grabbed his wrist.

Not expecting it, Harry gave a small scream, jumping backward and inadvertantly helping the intruder into his bedroom. The man landed on the floor as Harry hobbled away, trying to get his wand from under the pillow. The man, however, had a different plan, and grabbed Harry by the hair, jerking him backward.

"No no, little Lion. You come here." He sneered, wrapping a tight, restricting arm around the boy. Harry gave a frustrated cry as he struggled to no avail. "You can't get away, Harry. Just take your medicine like a man."

Being pushed to the floor, Harry felt weight on his chest the moment his back hit the carpet. The man, we'll call him Dolohov, grabbed Harry's jaw and forced his mouth open.

"Swallow, like a good little boy." He sneered, pouring an acidic yellow potion into his mouth. Harry tried to spit it out, but Dolohov forced him to swallow.

"The Dark Lord sends his regards, Potter, but not officially. Hopefully this'll land me in good graces..." He muttered, partially talking to himself. Harry coughed and tried to glare up at the man, but the pain in his head was distracting. The room started spinning, and Harry felt the weight dissappear.

"Good night, Golden Boy." He heard as the world went black.

**The **world came into focus slowly, brimming with the fog Harry was sure his mind had created for the sole purpose of taunting him. He groaned as he realized he had not propped up his leg, and the groan turned into a terrified gasp as what happened the night before caught up with him. What had that potion been? Why the hell wasn't he dead? Sitting up quickly, he looked around his room from his position on the floor. Nothing really seemed out of place. Standing, he hopped over to the loo, intent on relieving himself.

He stood in front of the commode, unfastening his pants and poising to start, but instead of piss, a scream came out.

"Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK. Shit! Augh! What the Fuck?" He screamed, pulling his pants back up. His hands pulled and felt around his entire body, frantic.

"Shit, no, this can't happen. This can't EVER happen. Merlin, no." He ranted under his breath, afraid if his volume increased he would have a breakdown. Running toward the mirror, Harry stopped and stared at his reflection with hesitance.

His hair was the same, a messy, untamable flop of midnight on his skull, shifting in new directions when he moved, just barely brushing his shoulders and eyes. His face was softer than before, made even more so by his newly wide and bright eyes, blackened around the edges by lashes. The only visible change underwent by his torso was the curve of his waist, and the ease it went into his wider hips.

More noticable, of course, was the lack of his familiar anatomy, and the gain of small, definite breasts. They were there just enough to be noticed.

"Oh God... Oh God." Harry breathed, sinking to the floor. "What the hell did he do?"

**Most **men don't really know this, but along with womenhood comes certain difficulties. First thing being the monthly cycle.

After Harry had brought himself off of the floor, his state of shock dissapating, he had gone to his bed to sleep his depression of the situation away. He hadn't yet fully processed what had happened, and stayed in a very fervent state of denial, avoiding the restroom at all costs.

A short 4 days into the 'situation', Harry had awoken for some reason. He felt something as he shifted and looked down to find a small blood stain on his pants. This of course, led to panic.

"Oh Fuck! Why am I bleeding?" He cried, wanting to check, but not wanting to see himself, somehow feeling like a pervert for looking. After much mulling he had gone into the bathroom to search for the 'wound'.

"Why the hell is it bleeding?'

After a few moments, because our Harry isn't entirely clueless, he realized what it was, having head Hermione griping about it. He blushed, but embarrassment was overthrown by the devastation of what this reminded him.

He wasn't Harry Potter, Boy Who Lived, Golden Boy, _Boy_ anything anymore...

He was a girl. That was that.

**Not **showering, Harry found, was possibly the most disgusting thing he had ever experianced. He avoided having to take off his clothing, not wanting to _see. _Vernon had forbid him from leaving his room until he washed, leaving him hungry but just as unable to mentally handle the changes. He had been wearing the same thing for about 15 days, putting off the inevitable.

"Boy! Those freaks are here!" Came the scream from downstairs, sounded out by the footsteps coming up the stairs toward his door. Harry's eyes widened just as the door opened to reveal one happy Remus Lupin, and a very irritated Severus Snape.


	2. Lolol, wait what?

**The** silence was deafening. Harry stared into confused, shocked amber eyes and unconsciously brought up his arms to cover his small chest. He could hear sputtering from beside his self appointed Godfather, and mentally snickered for finally rendering Snape of all people speechless. Harry also, of course, noted that Remus' nose was scrunched up distastefully, and blushed when he realized he probably smelled rancid.

"Harry..." Remus asked gently, hesitantly. Harry hid his reddening face in his newly feminine hands, nodding.

"Yeah..." He croaked, his soft, trembling response coming out as a squeek. Harry absently realized he was shaking. After a moment of nothing but silence, and a small part of Harry's mind screaming that they didn't want him now, two strong arms wrapped around his upper body. "Come here, Pup..." Remus whispered. Just like that, it was as if someone had turned on a faucet. Harry threw his arms around the werewolf and started to sob. HE cried and cried and kept on, hands digging into the older man's tweed coat.

"Remus... Oh God, what do I do? How the hell am I suppose to deal with this? School is in less than three weeks and I have no idea how the hell I'm suppose to be a guy again!" Harry faultered, hands tightening. He looked up at Remus with large, teary eyes, fogged up by glasses, and the man felt his chest ache. "What'll I do? What am I supposed to say to the Weasleys? To Hermione?" "Shh, Pup. Hush now... We'll think of something. Right now, I think you need to go wash yourself up. We're taking you to the Burrow, and I don't think Molly'd tolerate..." He let the sentance drop, taking in Harry's red nose and puffy eyes, looking up at him in discomfort.  
>"Alright..." He whispered, wiping his eyes. "I'll... go take a shower."<p>

Remus stood, and helped Harry up, brushing his hair out of his eyes. Harry sniffed and turned to go into the bathroom, removing his shirt out of habit as he did so. Remus and Snape's cheeks went red, and Snape coughed, turning to the other gentlemen in the room.

"Should I go ahead of you and tell the Weasleys?" He inquired, voice betraying nothing.

Remus shook his head. "No... Let Harry tell them when he wants. I'm not sure he's come to terms with it yet. It would explain his reluctance to shower, and his episode..."

Snape nodded. "Very well. I shall inform them that he shall arrive soon... In the meanwhile we shall continue addressing Potter as a boy. I'll let you deal with the brat from here on." And before Remus could even blink, Snape was gone.

**Harry** washed his hair slowly, staring straight ahead at the wall of the shower. Naked, like he was, it felt somehow wrong. The body he'd grown used to was gone, and in it's place was pure strangeness. It felt unbalanced, and dirty. Everytime his hands moved to wash his torso, he felt wrong, perverted. Each time his hands dipped, it was as if he were vilating himself. He washed his legs, somehow hairless. He washed his arms, somehow thinner. He washed his stomache, slightly curvier. He washed his chest... so different.

He stepped out of the shower, eyes landing on the mirror immediately. He let his hand trail down his delicate neck, along his collarbone, down toward the new places on his chest. The small breasts that had formed 15 days ago filled his hands and he choked, dropping his head and frantically wiping away the forming blur.

"Shit..." He whispered hoarsly, catching sight of the most prominant change. Bent over as he was, it wasn't exactly difficult to see. He took a moment, eyes closed as he tried to steady his breathing, and straightened back up.

His full figure glared back at him from the mirror, and no longer could he cling to the small drop of denial. Even before, when it had been clear... seeing himself... herself exposed as much as she was now.

Once again, Harry slid to the floor, and started to cry.

**Remus **looked up as Harry entered, dressed in a loose grey shirt and long faded bluejeans. She remained barefoot, toes curled inward, shuffling about. Her eyes were downcast and red, but the werewolf thought it best not to comment on it. "Are you ready, Pup?"

Harry nodded, wiping her eyes and pushing up her glasses. "Where's Snape?"

"He's apparated back to tell them you'll be there soon... Are you alright?"

Harry shook her head, unconsciously holding herself. "It doesn't matter, Remus. Let's just go. Can... can we make a stop at a drug store real fast?" She whispered in that innately softer but somehow... still boyish voice.

**"Harry!" **Hermione squeeked, running up to hug her best friend. Harry flinched, turning at an angle so Hermione wouldn't feel her chest, and smiled, clutching the bag in his hands tighter.

"Hey Hermione... Give me a moment, and I'll be right back down, alright?" Harry said softly, averting her eyes as Hermione's widened.

"Sure Harry..."

Harry smiled gratefully and walked past her and Ron, who had just entered the room. She padded up the stairs and spun around to the first bathroom, running in and locking the door.

"Finally..." She breathed, pulling off her shirt and tossing it to the floor. She shivered as cold air met her bare skin, and pulled the bandages from the bag. Staring into the mirror, she grimaced. "How do I...?"

Of course, she realized that she would have to tell Hermione sooner of later. He knew nothing about being a woman, and wasn't likely to figure it out by herself. What better time to tell her, of course, than now, to help her bandage her chest.

Peeking outside as she held her shirt up to her chest, she took a deep breath.

"Hey, Hermione! Come here for a moment!"

A few seconds of silence, then Harry heard light footfalls coming up the stairs. She blushed and held the shirt tighter as a bushy head came into view.

"Harry?"

"Shh!" she whispered, waving her over frantically. After pulling her into the bathroom, Harry shut the door quickly and turned around to find Hermione examining the bandages on the counter. "I need your help with something. It's... going to be really weird. Please, keep this to yourself."

"What is it Harry? You know it's extremely innappropriate for me to be in here with you..." She blushed.

Harry bit his lip, looking down at the chest hidden underneath his old grey shirt. Hermione followed his sight and rose an eyebrow. "Harry...?"

Taking a deep breath, she tightened her grip on the shirt. "Promise you won't freak..." And she pulled the shirt down. Once again the feeling of cold air hit Harry like a knife, and she winced. Her eyes remained of the floor, fearful of what her friend might say about his new developement.

"...Harry... When did...?"

"A little over two weeks ago..." She mumbled, brushing her hair from her face. "I need your help wrapping them up."

Hermione's mought made a small 'o' shape, and she raised her hands awkwardly, obviously unable to decide what to do with them. "Oh, Harry... It's bad for women to wrap up their breasts. It could cause damage-

"I'm not a woman." Harry said sharply, her brow furrowing. "I'm just stuck with boobs for a while. Pelase Hermione. Please help me. Just this once, show me how, or whatever."

After a few moments, Hermione nodded, picking up a roll of bandages off of the counter top. Harry blushed and raised her arms when instructed, watching from the mirror as the form of her slowly became a more familiar him. A small smile appeared on his face as he put his shirt back on, and 'Harry' was staring back at him from the glass.

**Those **last two weeks at the burrow were almost hell for Harry. She could tell everyone knew something was wrong, they just didn't know what exactly. Dinner for Harry was kind of tense, each second spent thinking that they knew. She asked Molly is she could share a bedroom with Hermione this time, and after assuring her that they were just friends, she conceded. After that, Ron had taken to sulking about and ignoring Harry -poorly, might I add. He'd stare at Harrry a few minutes and have this apologetic look on his face, wondering what he'd done. After a moment, he'd return to pretending Harry didn't exsist. Harry of course thought it was because he knew, and spent her own time fluttering every which way, unable to decide how exactly to proceed.

"Should I tell him?" She mumbled into her pillow 3 days before they left for school. She was in nothing but her wraps and shorts, feeling for the first time in days she could just... sit around, and not have to hide anything. The Weasleys had gone to Diagon Alley, Harry and Hermione opting to stay put. Hermione was sitting accross the room from her, reading a book.

"Do you want to?"

"I think he already knows, Hermione..."

With a sigh, the bushy haired girl shut her book and scooted foward, waiting until she had Harry's full attention. "Harry. Ronald is one of the densest, most oblivious boys that I know. There is no way he's figured out anything's different. Expecially with your anatomy."

"Don't put it past him, 'Mione! Ron's alot smarter than anyone gives him credit for."

"Hell yeah!"

Harry and Hermione both turned toward the door, where a blushing, mid-celebration stanced red head was shuffling about. Harry squeeked and moved to cover herself, falling over the side of the bed and onto the floor. Hermione coughed and moved to help her up.

"S-sorry, guys. I just... What's been up with you Harry? I heard you say something about keeping something from me. Can't you trust me?"

Harry staggered into a standing position ungracefully, Digging out a shirt and pulling it one, but nowhere near before Ron caught sight of the bandages. "Ron... I thought you were in Diagon Alley?"

"Came back early, mate... Are you hurt? Why's your chest all wrapped up?" Ron hurried forward, grabbing the edge of Harry's shirt.

"Ron!"

Harry blushed, holding her shirt down. "Ron! I-I'm not hurt! I promise!"

Ron huffed in frustration. "Then what _is_ wrong, Harry? Why are you avoiding everyone?"

"I'm not avoiding anyone..." Harry murmured.

Ron sighed, looking desperately at his best friend. Harry was clutching the hem of his shirt, his toes curled inward nervously. His legs seemed slimmer than usual. 'Has he been shaving them?' Ron's eyes widened as he came upon wider hips, and a narrower frame... But it was when Harry looked up with wide, green eyes... that he finally realized.

"...Harry?"


	3. Holed Up

Harry winced as she unwrapped her chest, the long term confinement having made them swollen and sore. Having had on the bandages for as long as she had, the lack of comfort had finally pushed her to unwrap for a while.

"Harry! Dinner!" Hermione yelled softly from the hall.

"I'm coming, just- Just give me a moment!"

She leaned against the door, pulling her wand from her pocket and muttering a locking charm. For a few moments, she was quiet, enjoying the freedom that came with just... relaxing, not having to hide from her surogate family. Ron had figured it out, saying that Harry looked just like a girl when he looked up with those big green eyes. And according to Hermione, Harry had looked like a girl even before the change. Now, Harry just had to decide whether or not she should tell the weasleys, and if she did, would just going downstairs with her wraps off be a good idea? They were disgustingly restricting, and her chest had swollen to atleast a B.

...Perhaps she could borrow Ginny's bra.

"Harry! Come on already! Your dinner's getting cold!"

Maybe telling them would be a good idea? When she went to Hogwarts the next morning, she would need all the help she could get if she wanted to hide her new look. Being so careless as to let RON find out was a perfect example of her stupidity, and incompitance when it came to hiding things... excluding her godfather, which was another matter entirely.

A knock on the door brought her out of her thoughts, and she peeked around the wooden thing to look at Hermione.

"Harry, you need to come eat."

"Should I tell them?"

Hermione blinked, not expecting the sudden question.

"I mean... I was going to grab one of Ginny's bras, and just... roll with it. Of course, if that's a bad idea, then..."

"No... It's fine." Hermione said softly, seeing Harry's nerves. "I'll go fetch one... Are you sure? It was only a week ago you wanted nothing more than to be a boy again, and didn't want anyone to know."

"...I still want to be a boy again, Hermione. I'm just tired of lying to them... and those bandages are brutal."

She nodded, looking up and down Harry's body. "Alright. I'll be right back."

Harry sighed as she looked at the white thing encasing her... growths. It was uncomfortable, and felt weird against her chest. Her hands twitched with the urge to yank the white material off of her torso and run screaming into her room to hide under her bed. She ran her hand through her short(for a girl), unruly hair and glanced at the shirt Hermione had brought her. It was a plain, light blue 'Tee'. OF course, Harry didn't really see the difference between a Tshirt, and what girls insisted were 'Tee's, so she took it without complaint... only then looking at it.

She slid the shirt on, grimacing as she pulled it over her breasts. It hugged her torso like a second skin, and made her chest look bigger than it actually was. Harry again felt like crying.

She pushed her bangs from her face and ran her thumb over her cheeks, higher than they used to be.

"I wish I was a boy..."

Slipping on her shorts- basketball shorts, because she refused to wear the underwear girls called shorts- she left the bathroom and tiptoed down the stairs. The chatter of Weasleys, Hermione, and a surprisingly baratone voice drifted in from the kitchen. Harry paused on the bottom step, knowing one more step would put her in plain sight.

A slow silence settled over the kitchen as Harry walked in, taking a seat at her usual spot and spooning mashed potatoes onto her plate. She blushed, but otherwise did her best to keep a passive face. It took some time for a few voices to quiet, having not caught sight of Harry until just then. The Chosen One tried to ignore every look she got as she ate.

"...Hermione... do you suppose I could borrow your extra pair of robes tomorrow?"

For her part, Hermione did an excellence job of pretending nothing was wrong. "Of course Harry, though... I don't think we're the same sizes. You're a bit slimmer."

"That's alright... Ron, pass the peas?"

"Of course Harry." He coughed, handing the large bowl to his best friend and watching her spoon them onto her plate. Had Harry taken the time to look around the room before sitting down, she'd have noticed the dark black eyes narrowed at her in suspiscion. Of course, Harry HADN'T taken that time, instead too focused on acting normal.

"What in Merlin's name is going on!"

Harry looked up to Mrs. Weasley's angry, confused face and unconsciouly reached out for a friend's hand. A warmer one encased her own and she took a deep breath.

"I just... thought you guys deserved to know. It... It happened shortly before my birthday."

"An inheritance?" Aurther murmured.

"No. It was Dolohov."

Of course, had Harry taken the time to take in her suroundings, she'd have noticed those black eyes, now narrowed, just a few feet from her. It wasn't surprising the small squeek that came with the sudden voice.

"Wolf, I shall have to put off our plans for later, as it would seem Mr. Potter and I have something to discuss."

Harry hadn't time to react as the one and only Severus Snape pulled him toward the foyer. She stumbled after the larger man, occasionally stubbing her toes on random knots in the old wooden floors. Snape stopped, slammed the door shut, and whirled around on Harry.

"I recieved no information on Dolohov, nor anything implying that he'd done something. When did this happen?"

Harry unconsiously hugged herself. "The night before I turned 17, he told me that Voldie gave his indirect regards. I think It wasn't really planned, it was just a Death Eater being independantly stupid."

"Whether independant or not, Potter, he managed some damage. Any other changes, besides these... breasts?"

Harry stared up at her potions professor with wide green eyes, a blush staining her face. She coughed and shifted. "Well, it isn't just breasts, Professor. I'm actually a girl."

Snape stared at Harry for a long moment, before sneering. "Of course. I hadn't known the fault or extent the night Remus and I had found you. I shall go speak with Dumbledore about this.. In the mean while, do you think it's wise to let your... appendages hang out?"


	4. Suprise, Suprise

**Sorry it's taken me so long to update. Alot of life related pooishness has been orbiting around in my general direction, so I've had no time for any grammatical errors, I wrote this at night... way late at night xD Have fun with this filler-ish chapter, I'll try to get the next one up soon!**

**DISCLAIMER: As I've no clue of british slang, it might be obvious I didn't write Harry Potter... ;D**

**Harry** sighed and pulled on a pair of loose black slacks, brushing a strand of black hair away from her eyes as she fastened them. Straightening up, she tugged on a the outer robe Hermione had let her borrow and checked her tie. Perfectly boyish, she had agreed with herself.

"What to do with this shite...?" She murmured, staring down at a small bag of... toiletries. Hermione had quickly instructed her on the hygenics of being a woman, and Harry had had to sit down before the end of the conversation. Completely flabbergasted, she had shoved the embarrrassing stash into her bag without thinking, and now hadn't a clue where to keep it where it would be out of curious eyes.

"C'mon, Harry. The carriages are waiting!" Ron called from outside the door.

"Why are you standing in the middle of the hall yelling?" Seamus asked as he passed.

"Harry's in there changing, and the carriages are here."

Seamus rolled his eyes and moved toward the door. "Just go in and get him, then. No need to disturb everyone else."

Before Ron could object, Seamus had the door open, just in time to see Harry latching her trunk. She looked up and smiled. "Yeah?"

"The carriages are here, mate."

"Okay, I'm coming."

**Harry** looked up as the small hoarde of first years sauntered in, most of their faces excited, others wonderous, a few even terrified. Harry again, as she did every year, remember her first time in the enchanted hall. The ceiling capturing her attentions before anything else. The sheer wonder of being introduced to something as wondrous as being a wizard. Of course, lately, she'd been resentful, as being a wizard was the reason she was now a she.

The hat sang it's eerie song and the first years were sorted, griffondor getting 4 new members. Harry cheered loudly.

"Ahem." All was quiet as the great old wizard stood to make his speech. "I wish to take this time to welcome new and returning students to the wondrous halls of Hogwarts. I hold great hopes that these corriders, the very ones I found a home in, also come to be the same for each of you. For our new family members, enjoy the next sevens years. Get to know your house mates, as they will become like brothers and sisters to you. You will live with them, attend classes with them, and spend your freetime in your house common room..."

The rest of the speech was the standard 'This good, that bad' rules. Harry was wholey uninterested, and only wished the most respected headmaster would step off his entirely non- metaphorical pedastal and let the feast begin.

A herd of gasps echoed throughout the illusion of a stary sky as mounds and variations of foods old and new to the firstyears spread across the four house tables. The hall soon erupted into casual conversations. "How was your summer?" "Did you get that new broom?" "Wow! The ceiling! Look at the ceiling!" and of course "Harry! Welcome back!"

"Auurnnkss.." She gurgled around a mouthful of Spaghetti, noodles hanging securely under her puffed up cheeks. With her wide eyes, she really did ressemble a squirrel, which Neville found oddy cute.

Harry swallowed the rest of her noodles and grinned, uncaring or unaware of the sauce on her face. "Thanks! It really is awesome to be back." She said sincerely. Some around her laughed, and Hermione pointed out the layer of red surrounding her mouth. Harry's face got a tinge the same color after that, and stayed that way for a good 3 minutes.

"So, Ron. How was your summer?" Dean piped in, and Harry was grateful for the turn of attention. She took the time they sent on Ron to survey the rest of the hall. Her eyes immediately and unconsciously swept over to the Slytherins. She found herself eyeing Malfoy and Zabini's lot. They seemed genuinely happy to be around eachother, surrounded by close friends. Of course, most of the hall did.

For a moment, she watched the way Zabini's mouth twitched up into a smile everytime Pansy went off on a tirade, and the way Malfoy's grey-blue eyes seemed to twinkle every twitch.

"..ry... HARRY."

"Hm?" She hummed, turning back around to face her yearmates. Hermione giggled and looked at her pointedly.

"You were staring off into space... right at Draco. Anything to tell me?"

As the students in hearing distance laughed, and Harry's face turned just as red as it was seconds ago, Draco Malfoy cropped an eyebrow.

**Harry** stared at the gargoyle with apprehension, knowing almost exactly why the headmaster wanted to speak to her. Snape had said quite distinctly that he would be notifying the headmaster, and if he hadn't already then Harry would be more than surpised. The man was nothing if not punctual.

Harry sighed and gave the password, making her way toward the arching door that currently hid the headmaster's face.

"Come in." Followed the knock, and Harry took a deep breath before opening the door.

The sight that greeted him wasn't that surprising. Albus Dumbledore and Severus Snape were hunched over the desk, seemingly discussing Harry's situation.

"Ah yes, take a seat, Harry. I have recently become aware of... your dilema, as Severus was so kind to enlighten me. I am also aware that the seventh year boy's dormitory has become unsafe for you to sleep in-

"Why? It's not like the others will tell my secret if they find out... which they probably will."

Snape snorted and stared Harry down. "You slow child! A girl your age surrounded by young, pubescent boys while you sleep. Alot more could happen than your secret being exposed!"

It took a moment for Harry to grasp the implicatioins being dangled in her face, and said face lit up like a christmas light. "That's rubbish! The guys wouldn't-

"Harry.. Please. We are only concerned for you." Albus said sincerely. Harry couldn't respond to that, and slumped down in her chair. Severus sighed and rolled his eyes over to Albus. They shared a look that made Harry huff. "Harry, I think it would be best if you didn't stay in Griffondor tower."

"...And where would I stay?"

Dumbledore let his hands fold together and rested his chin on his fingers. "Perhaps we may set up a room near the tower, and use the excuse that you're training? In all actuality, it might be better if you were training, but I'll ultimately leave that up to you. Severus has agreed to take samples, and research... Try to find a cure for what has happened to you."


	5. Man Crush

**Sorry it took so long to update o: This is still HPDM, buhh with a slice of side slash for the likes ;D**

**A** soft, gentle humming echoed off of white tile walls, bouncing back toward the source and filling the room with pleasant sound waves. A foggy glass door, recesses covered in steam, revealed the outline of a thin figure. Warm water cascaded down smooth curves and an ample waist, dripping from dark locks onto modest breasts, running down the length of pale legs to dissappear into the drain below.

Harry smiled lightly as she washed her hair, now grown down to her shoulders, but still being able to pass as a boy's style. Escaping wet tresses clung to her cheeks and she groaned at the small pleasure of her own shower.

_"...I turn my back to you, you turn me around. For months I've been lost, I'm not slowin' down. Been playin' in the fire, no water around, Oh I am consumed by what's away from you..._

_Tell me to my face, tell me I am wrong. Savior will you catch me or am I too gone? In a world full of liars, there's truth in a song, but I can only hold my breath for oh so long..."_

As she sang, her smile turned into a frown, and grew more prominant with each word. Her voice, as a boy, had been average at best. When he sang, he expected no Oscar. But, higher pitch now, her voice at the present was deceptively soft and pretty as she sang. It irritated Harry to know that small good things came from this, even something as useless as a catchy voice.

Shaking her hair as the soap dissappeared from it, she gave a small sniffle and started on her body. Blushing, she washed quickly and efficiently, stepping out of the shower as soon as it permitted it.

Wrapping a towel around her chest, she gave a slight yawn, and wandered into her room.

The room was by no means small, but it wasn't a prince's room, either. A Queen sized bed occupied the far wall, along with a small end table and his trunk sitting at the foot. A low bookshelf sat far left, opposite a small self-restocking mini fridge. On the wall she was standing nearest to, having come from the bathroom, a dark wood dresser just the size for her belongings sat. The entirety of the room was decorated in earthy tones.

Harry Grunted, and got ready for classes.

**"Today**, class, we will be brewing the Amorem Falsi, eigth strongest love potion brewed to date that we- the magical community in general- are aware of. It envelopes the ingester in a false sense of security, and forces him or her into placcid submission to the nearest, sentient magical entity. This potion is often used as a magical rape drug, though the effects ware off about an hour after ingested. I expect no mistakes. Begin." With that, Snape whirled around and stomped moodily to his desk, grumbling all the while about 'stupid Gryffondors and their bloody stupid mistakes'. Harry giggled at that, and walked... rather, unconsciously swayed to the cabinet to gather ingredients.

She started humming that same song again as she walked back to the desk she currently shared with Blaise Zabini, all other desks having been taken. She didn't particularly mind the Slytherin, as he didn't make a show of himself like most other green clad students were inclined to do. The dark skinned boy was quiet and calm, something she found rather endearing.

"Alright, Potter," Blaise said softly, his voice rugged and betraying no negative emotions," You cut up the moonweed while I start the fire, hm?"

When she didn't answer, merely looked at him, Blaise smirked and raised a smooth eyebrow. This seemed to snap Harry out of her daze, and she nodded, blushing.

_'Seriously, Harry? THE FUCK? He's a dude. Muchacho. As in having a penis. NOT A GIRL. Remember? You're into girls. Women. Boobs. VAGINA. They're niiiice...' _Harry wimpered and shook her head, clearing out all thoughts of sexuality as she sliced the nocturnal plant before him.

Blaise glanced over at the seemingly distressed boy beside him, wondering why the poor thing was so upset. His curiously soft looking face was scrunched up in dissapproval, and he was chopping the moonweed far too hectically. With a soft hum of agitation, Blaise reached over and placed a hand on the other boy's, stilling his panicky slicing.

"Potter, you're going to mutilate the poor plant. What's wrong with you?" He mumbled, genuinely curious. This, however, only made Harry angrier- Because REALLY, those eyes seemed to fuck her with their gaze, and she was feeling a bit hormonal at the moment- and she wrenched her hand away, her eyes filling with frustrated tears.

"None of your fucking business." She hissed, literally. A few heads turned, bewildered, at hearing the snake language come from the Boy-Who-Lived. Blaise slowly removed his hand from where the boy's had been previously, but had no chance to speak as Harry bolted from the room.

_'What the hell is this? Why am I so confused? It isn't like... I couldn't be actually turning into a girl. Having the body is one thing, but to turn into a girl..._' Harry halted and bent over, digging her nails into her scalp and letting a small frustrated scream escape her. She turned and punched the wall as hard as she could, forgetting that her strength was no longer as vast as it used to be. Another scream followed suit, this one angry and in pain. She clutched her hand and scowled at the wall.

"You know what? Fuck you, wall. I could've fucking murdered you if I wanted, ya know? Boy-Who-Bloody-Fucking-Lived, I am. So everyone keeps saying..." She sighed, letting herself fall to the ground. "Only a month and a few days, and already it's getting to me..."

"What is?"

Harry jumped and turned her body just enough to see who it was. She scowled. Zabini. "What do you want, Zabini?" She spat. "Come to Harrass the Golden G... Boy for running out of class like a pansy?"

Blaise answered with a tight lipped glare. "Contrary to popular belief, wearing these colors doesn't make me heartless. Forgive me for trying to care, you just looked like you needed someone."

Harry's face softened, forgetting to wonder where Ron and Hermione were while he was here with Blaise. "...I'm sorry. The robes tend to make me weary, ya know? So many attempts on my life have been in Green and Silver."

"I understand," Blaise nodded, walking over and kneeling down to Harry's level. A dark hand touched hers and she blushed as it was brought closer to his face. "Although impressed by your amazing restraint, I'd have to say, I don't think punching stone walls is a great passtime. You've gone and broken your hand."

Harry cringed but didn't pull her hand away. "...How much did you see?"

"...You scream like a girl."

Harry groaned.

**Later**, in her rooms, Harry lay in her bed, towel clutched around her bossom, staring at nothing in particular. After a few exchanged words of goodbye, the two had parted ways and Harry had gone to Madame Pomphrey, who had nagged her as she healed up the small fissure in her knuckles. Harry couldn't stop thinking about the dark skinned boy, and wondered if this is what a crush felt like.

She scowled. Her train of thought got fluffier and fluffier.

Turning over, throwing her towel off of the bed, she settled down into the covers. Remembering the boy's eyes made her flush, sending a sharp, warm feeling through her stomach. She felt something stir just under her abdomen and flushed, a hand sinking under the blanket...

She gasped as her hand met an opening, instead of the much more familiar erection she knew she'd be sporting as a man. Her eyes squeezed themselves shut and her breathing quickened to quiet sobs. Slowly, that night, she cried herself to sleep.

_**"It** feels like faith's the only way... to touch Heaven... It seems like grace can replace... What's inside..._

_I've seen you move in the wind just beyond my own closed doors... I'll let you in, come inside... Please come inside..."_

The words escaped almost without notice as Harry walked languidly toward the Great Hall, previous night as good as forgotten. She grinned, having woken up strangely relaxed, and was in a fairly good mood.

Turning the corner, she found herself suddenly on the ground.

"Nngh..." She grunted, pulling herself up to her knees. Trying to blink away the slight pain, she looked up at a bark blur hovering above her. She squinted, and grimaced when she couldn't make out any features.

"Here." Said a rugged voice, and she found she could see again. "You really should be more careful, Harry." Blaise said with a small, almost not-there smile.

Harry just looked away, nodding. Beside Blaise, Draco smirked and grabbed the other boy's arm.

"Come on, Blaise. Leave this peasant where he sits. I'm getting hungry."


	6. The Dark Side

**Alright, yeah, I know I haven't updated in a while. I've had sort of a writer's block. This chapter scompletely sucks, and I do apologize for that Hopefully the next one will be up to standards **

Harry couldn't keep the stupid grin off of her face and she plopped down onto the bench between Neville and Ron, Hermione sitting across from them. She hummed happily as she gathered her breakfast, oblivious to the stares of her housemates.

"My mind shuts sound out... I'm on autopilot, and my tongue's gone silent... Just switch it off and- Oh! Cornbread!"

She happily stuffed her face, not noticing the increasing giggles around her, or the caramel eyes staring at her from across the hall. Harry was more than willing to eat the delicious food around her in favor of ignoring people.

"Harry..."

But alas.

"Mmmrph, Hmmuhhnrr?" She asked, crumbs dotting her mouth. Hermione scowled and wiped Harry's face, Harry reering back and whining.

"Could you please put down your food for a moment and tell us what's got your knickers untwisted?"

Harry blushed at more chuckles and swallowed her current mouthful, setting down the food that had been occupying her hands. "I-It's nothing, 'Mione. I just woke up chipper this morn. What's wrong with being happy?"

The homely girl grinned, folding her hands beneath her chin. "Hmmm, so you met someone?"

Ron grinned as well, patting Harry's shoulder. "About time, mate. Was worried you'd live your life celibate."

Harry scowled and pushed her plate away, folding her arms and trying not to wince as she hit her breasts. Hermione laughed and reached over to pat her back.

"No, guys, I didn't meet someone. Even if I did, there wouldn't be any way to date them..."

Hermione and Ron looked at their best friend sadly, others at the table confused. Neville grunted softly and wrapped an arm around Harry.

"I'm sure anyone would feel lucky getting to be with you, Harry. You're a really nice fellow."

"Speaking from want or experience, Neville?" Dean challenged, making the once chubby boy draw back with a blush and taking eyes off of Harry long enough for her to escape.

She practically ran from the Great Hall, happy to escape her excitable friends. She loved them, but sometimes they were too much. Letting herself slow to a walking pace, she found herself near the old Charms classroom, and slipped inside.

The old dusty feeling was welcome, books lining the walls lined themselves with dust and mites. The desks and chairs were far from spotless, but Harry thought it gave them personality. With a small smile she sat herself down on the steps of the elevation housing the professor's desk and took in the sun-brightened room. It was cozy.

"Hi Harry..."

Harry turned toward the door and surprisingly, smiled. Blaise stepped in, mirroring the gesture, and walked over to where she was seated.

"What are you doing in here?"

"Just... trying to get away from the lions."

Blaise nodded. "Ah. The red bunch too much right now?" Harry chuckled, nudging the older boy with her shoulder.

"Something like that... what about yourself?"

"I followed you like a stalker."

Harry whirled around with wide eyes, staring at the darker teen with apprehension. But upon seeing the laughing sparkle in his eyes, relaxed and let herself giggle. Blaise found he quite liked the sound of Harry's giggle.

"You aren't the first."

Both of them chuckled, and for a few moments, it was nothing but comfortable silence.

"I was wondering..." He began, looking away from the smaller 'boy' and rubbing his palms on his trousers. "Would you like to go to Hogsmeade this weekend? With Draco and I? I-I mean, I know it's _Draco_, and you two don't much get along, but.."

Harry grunted, scratching her brow and sending a 'maybe' look to the dark boy. "I suppose if Draco could stop being a prat for one afternoon, I wouldn't mind. Besides, I think I need a little fun after this last week."

Blaise grinned. "That's awesome, Harry. I'd hoped you would say yes."

For a moment, just the slightest second, something manic flashed through caramel eyes. Harry flinched and looked away, but later... couldn't find it, and led herself to believe that she'd imagined it.

"Yeah... well, we still have a while, it's only Thursday, and the day's just begun-

"Do you want to sit with us at lunch?" Blaise shot in.

"But... Aren't Gryffindors and Slytherins supposed to be all... hating each other and stuff? I don't think sitting with you would be wise."

Harry rubbed her wrist as Blaise shook his head. "No! Well, we ARE supposed to hate each other, but isn't Dumbles always spouting on about house union and stuff? Maybe this would be opportune."

**Lunch, **as Harry would have it, was a completely un-calm affair. He ignored his best friends waving him over to the Gryffindor table, and instead followed a stioc Blaise over to the snakes. She recieved several more looks when her dark skinned friend glared two lower years out of their seats and offered one to Harry, who hesitantly accepted, landing her eye level with Draco, and right between Blaise and Goyle.

"What's he doing here?" Theo sneered, stabbing his potatoe with his fork. Harry winced as the poor vegetable fell apart, mushed.

"He's here because I invited him here." Blaise answered calmly, not even looking up at the pig faced boy as he filled Harry's plate. Harry pouted at being treated like a child.

"Invited or not, he's Dumbledor's kitty. He's leaving, now." The other boy glared. Blaise shot angry eyes toward the upper year, but Draco cut in.

"Theo, if you've nothing nice to say, you're better off never speaking. He's here at our consent, so kindly shove off."

Harry looked at the pureblood with wide eyes, her face lighting up like a christmas light. The blonde pureblood caught the blush and smirked, making Harry look away. She fumbled with her cuff a bit before being egged into eating by an eager Slytherin.

"The food at this table's better than the others. Snape's got it in with the house elves, they treat him like a king." Blaise explained when Harry nearly orgasmed from the roast pork he'd carelessly shoved into his mouth. It was most definately going on the list of 'Most delicious food evar eaten'.

"Oh, Draco. Harry's going to Hogsmeade with us."

The blonde raised an eyebrow. "Is he now?"

"Yes," Blaise grinned, "And you will be perfectly civil through the entire afternoon."

The rest of lunch was spent listening to the Slytherins converse, hiding slightly behind Blaise when confronted about anything. Harry noticed almost immediately that the conversations at this table were completely different than at his own table. The Slytherins had little jokes, secret inside banter Harry didn't get. Instead of the nudging or shoulder-patting, they would have second long glances and brushes of the hand. Harry watched this in fascination, suddenly wishing she had a secret handshake with someone...

She also spent the rest of lunch ignoring the glares and glances from where she was supposed to be sitting. Ron looked absolutely livid, while Hermione just looked worried. The rest of the Gryffindors were a slew of emotions, from Curious to Murderous.

At the end of lunch, Harry didn't immediately get up. She waited until Blaise stood, and hid from her friends by walking step for step with the dark boy. Blaise of course thought it was another 'signal', and was happy to be Harry's hiding spot.

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